|
[18 Jun 2004|07:28pm] |
You have a beautiful fascination for the destination of my heart this is true, as you flush it out to sea with all the waste and defecation, you know...it’ll be lost on it’s way to the bottom...gravity has found me, when I thought I could hold onto my dream, it came down around me, grounded border, one foot is leaving with the other still is rooted, rooted in you...why shouldn’t I just follow my mind, why can’t I just float like I have been, I guess I’ve been filling up with water until now, sinking down, when I reach the bottom, gravity has found me, when I thought I could onto my dream, it came down around, grounded to a border, one foot is leavng while the other is still planted, planted far away from you
My heart stands a trial for the wrongful accusation of murders, my soul stands the judge, my mind the prosecutor, I plead the fifth, I don’t know where I was that night, I plead the fifth I don’t know who that was, I plead the fifth I don’t know what you’re talking about, my gray matter, don’t hold me in contempt, I’ve been imprisoned for so long, I don’t know of this murder, only that I am to suffer, I wish I took the plea bargain, I wish I escaped, I don’t understand, Judge, are you lost..I swear...I didn’t sign no confession...withered hearts be true and violent hearts be plenty, but yours is the only one still indescribeable, feat I have none and strength I have some but mostly it comes from hating you....
20,000 miles to go and I still remain, 10 lives to find and still I am the same, why can’t I, leave Colonial Drive, I thought I knew, I thought I knew.....and all this time, I’ve thought about you, sitting here, I’ve wondered about you, only to see that you’re not coming back, I’ve cut this flesh for you...As the crimson satin flows, I wait in the bed I never made until last year, these reasons you give me, I know they’re out of fear, I thought I knew you, I thought I knew you....run me over, let my heart beat, I just don’t want to feel, bring my walls down, tear my heart out, I just don’t want to feel, why are all these people moving, I can’t seem to see, if you would just stay still, I could find my way, and escape, and escape...Something like that I want to say to you while you stand near me but so far away, tables I see, so far away, steps in front of me, silence be foreboding, I can’t seem to get past your groping, I’m tired of me, tired of you, don’t want to feel....someone like you will never find me I pray, God mercy please I beg of you, don’t kill me today, I can ask any other day for suicide, please just not today......
It's funny when you think about suicide and all your sobs like laughter, like the laughter you would feel at the thought of people reading about your death before it actually it happened, the sort of smiles that turn into frowns and then tears, and suddenly you're crying, for what are your reasons--love, hurt, anger, is it the lost dreams or the terror of finding all the answers you never wanted to hear, is it the people that you'll never see, or the songs you'll never share, is it the parts of you that no one knows and no wants to know, are their reasons that you, in yourself, will always be in yourself and no one will ever get you. No one will ever love you. No one will nveer understand you. You will always listen to the music that no one else hears and you will always look at people the way no one else wouldl. you will always feel disappointed and bashed over. You will always look right through to the end and never at the beginning, and you won't see the people but the words that they never say. You'll stand there and they'll all be talking about something else, but in your nature, in your being, somehow, they are talking about you or not talking about you--on purpose. You can see through it all, you can even see through your own heart. There is nothing to you, and you love nothing and you hate everything and everyone. You deny love but you want it, and you feed on praise but you push away affection. You're a waste, you're a terror, you're an innocent and you're the murderer, you're the fuckface, you're the idiot, and you're the one that needs to jump off the fucking bridge. Yea, it's laughter, Mother, just laughing, I'll see you in the morning. I'll see you tomorrow.
|
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| You're like my favorite damn disease... |
[15 Jun 2004|02:31am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
AFI #$%( of greetings a n d goodbyes ) |
] |
Yea and yea and yea...and yea. I'm here so let's not go back to what I said.
Anyway...
So after that Thursday or whatever it was, I stopped eating completely and I haven't eaten anything yet, and in this little fast of mine, I found the greatness of The Cure and Art of Drowning by A.F.I. to be some of the most awesome music I have ever heard. I don't give a shit if you agree with me or not but you know, it's basically like when you have nothing you cling to things that you find, even if it's just a penny--for some reason that penny is the LUCKIEST penny you have ever seen.
And then in some ironic way that penny is the same one that kills you...but besides that, no haha.
But what I am trying to get at is when are completely without is when you find what you really enjoy and who you really enjoy being around. I enjoy being around Megan and I enjoyed being around JT, but I can't hang out with him anymore because I ruined that.
``Lie in the comfort of sweet calamity...lie in the darkness I'm slowly drowned to sleep of nothing left to lose.``
My new job is awesome. You wouldn't think so since I have to do all this stuff when I'm there but the PEOPLE really make it scintillating. Just their choice of phrases like `dawg` and `that's green` are really awesome. Plus they hit on me so that's cool too, can't deny the greatness of a black man's pickup line.
``Will you be my destruction...``
Oh what else is new. What else what else. I really don't think anything else is new. Oh, wait one more thing...so I've taken more to my old attitude where I don't care if people like me or not, but now it's more like I'm REALLY not going to care if they like me or not. I mean if I'm going to get fired from this job, then fine, I'd rather be fired and have people not know me than be it the opposite. Besides, I remember this old Indian adage that was like the more people use your REAL name, the more strength and power you lose. I think that's still true today.
Yea I know go write a novel, Cyn, but hey, fuck off k?
|
|
| ... |
[10 Jun 2004|07:36am] |
I told my heart today that if it ever did this again I would drive a knife right through it. Doesn't matter since I already feel like I have a thousand piercing it already to the core of my being. I think there is even one sticking in my head.
In any case, I just wanted you to know that I'm probably not going to be updating this thing anymore. There was only one person that I wanted to write in this for in the beginning, and I love all you dolls and bastards but I'm just going to focus on work right now. I need to save enough money up to get out of here. I'm supposed to leave at the end of the summer with someone that presented the offer. I wasn't going to take it, but now I don't really have a reason to stay. So, that's what my summer is consisting of. Sounds fun no?
Some last words for some people that are outstanding...
hawkman, you are hilarious and an awesome writer don't ever change.
jeff, you're fucking amazing and a really awesome guy, you deserve any bitch you choose man...don't forget that.
nikke, you're funny, and that's all there is to it, thanks for the comments.
To everyone else, I love you as well, farewell and goodbyes, I hope this was not all in vain tomorrow, but if it is, then I guess this isn't goodbye. Hopefully, for my life's sake, it is.
Good morning.
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|
| ... |
[08 Jun 2004|01:44am] |
I want to sell myself into slavery, a slavery to a world less thoughtful, a world less warm. I want it to be mechanic, and I want there to be no music. I want it to be medicated peaceful moments. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I want to plug in and drift into the eye of the hurricane. If it would just swallow me whole, then what would I feel, a timultuous torment before the sweet end?
Would I deserve such a pleasure?
|
|
| list to buy |
[08 Jun 2004|01:29am] |
These are some things I am reminding myself that I need to purchase later....
Velvet Revolver
Muse - Absolution album
Morrissey - Irish Blood/English Heart
Death Cab for a Cutie - Transatlanticism
Also check out:
Fordirelifesake
Braid
Murder by Death
Shadows Fall
Contraved
Minus the Bear
Unearth
Modest Mouse
The Killers
Franz Ferdinand
Burning Bridges
DVDs to buy:
Blow
Dazed and Confused
Biodome
Clerks
I need some more ideas for DVDs...I'm all set on the music unless you REALLY have something that I might not have or know about. But let me know if there are any movies I might be interested in...I like all kinds, but especially ones dealing with music or that are really funny.
|
|
| ...shakes head. |
[03 Jun 2004|07:05am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
3eb -- Deep Inside of You |
] |
I hate boys....
They can eat a dick.
And I don't care how teenager that is or how scantily clad this update will be because that is the main focus.
So, you can tell me why you hate the opposite sex...experiences, heartbreaks, pet peeves...I don't care...just spill it so I know I'm not alone when I write songs about...
THE FUCKING DISTORTIA THAT GOES ALONG WITH FRIENDSHIPS AND THE OPPOSITE SEX.
Grrr.
|
|
| Okay. |
[31 May 2004|06:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Numb -- Blood |
] |
I fixed my layout because it was kind of bugging me how weirdly set I made it. So I just changed the background, come and check it out, http://serials.livejournal.com and also, click http://www.livejournal.com/~serials/friends when you're done and watch the transition...it's really nifty.
Um yea work called me and wanted me to come in, probably being people bummed off work because it's a holiday or whatever. SORRY IM OFF...my feet ache from that place still.
I don't ever want to go back.
You can't make me.
You can't.
You can't.
Okay you did, you withheld the cheese. Now give it so I can go to work.
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| @#@#$ gettaway gettaway |
[30 May 2004|05:54pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Orgy ( Inside My Head ) |
] |
Bumbling romantics make for selfish friends and lost lovers make for fucked up relationship, but I, sir, am a reckless abandon, I don't love you, need you, nor want you, so let's go straight to where you buy me dinner and I eat for free.
I just don't get enough to eat....
Anyway, in the news today, if you haven't noticed, Drive-Thru records store has posted up some new stuff including merch for The Early November and Hidden in Plain View, so if you want to go check that out, I'm sure you know the site and all of that jazz. If Drive-Thru records is your mantra, then you definitely want to check out their limited numbers of new decks. They are also still running with free ep downloads of Jonoah and HelloGoodBye.
If you appreciate Fall Out Boy and Name Taken as well as Bayside, Jenoah and Armor for Sleep, then you should be happy to know that they are playing on tour this summer but only on the western seaboard of the United States for now. I might be looking at the wrong dates, but I believe they are the only ones. If you want to check it out for yourself, which I suggest you do, then you can go to http://www.nametakenmusic.com or http://www.fiddlerecords.com
I also discovered that a cool band named Whole Wheat Bread will be coming out with a new record, courtesy of Darian Rundalls. If you don't know that name, you should: he helped the bands Pennywise, Yellowcard, and Strung Out. Whole Wheat Bread is on tour right now with the burlesque Suicide Girls, and they played at Warped Tour 2003. They are quite the interesting band, a little indy retro I think. So if you have a chance, be sure to check out some downloads from them on kazaa or imesh, whichever illegally supported program you escape to.
What's new in life? Well, I've recently been reminded that I don't like males, and that they have problems with me as well. I suppose it's because I'm through with romance. I like cheese and water and music, and that is all that my life has dwindled down to because I no longer see the need for a significant other. I have Megan, she can be my pretend lesbian friend. We are too alike anyway, someone called us twins, and I about died. She's so hotter than me. Ah, sweet release. Anyway, I believe I've said too much and probably have offended a few in my audience. I trust you know that it's not you in the male population I despise, just a few short penes and less membranes than the females of the world. Oh, I did it again. Back to the acid....
Just Kidding.
...And the dawn broke, along with sweat, for she had once again fallen asleep to a dream that she had thought real. Ah, 6 minutes before work, she be late again.
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| !@ and the bass breaks. |
[28 May 2004|10:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
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lethargic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Tool -- Stinkfist |
] |
Strums the chords and thinks about the rhythm breaking like waves on a beach inside of her head, each one like a rush, and each one a proposal to the epicurean dreams floating above the flickering halo on top of a head of greasy gold. There are ways to shine in the light, just don't bathe, she told herself as she smirked to let it all go right there inside of that room in that store on that street in that part of town. The sweetness of the afternoon dwindled to a dull aftertaste, and she sighed reminding herself that attention deficit disorder was no one's companion, especially her own. Shuffling her feet, she swung the bag to the front with a gyration of bony hips, and placing the bass on the rack, she frowned one last time and went in pursuit of the tangible sort...
I, myself, am a Thrice fan, but I have only been to one show when they toured with Thursday, another favourite, while they were still on their Full Collapse ride. Well, now they are playing with a band that I don't like so much as their bass guitars, but that's another subject. Anyway, there is also a contest to see them play in Los Angeles at the Greek Theatre. I am not sure if that's just a contest for those residence in L.A., but who knows, apply at http://www.buzztone.com/royale/win/. The winner can also invite 10 friends into the VIP lounge area, just in case you really want to rub up on the rich and delirious.
If you like music news and you like to be a scene kid, then you will be especially gratified in your daily virtual masturbation to find that www.decoymusic.com has a new website that is very killer. It includes news, updates on old bands and upcoming bands, profiles, media, shops, etc. It's very cool, and it is very informative, so check it out, it has been a year coming.
In the DIY music scene, a new label called Spacement Records since 2003 out of Reno,NV will now have 2 bands on tour, Disconnect and Bafabegiya. IF you want to check them out, the website is http://www.spacementreno.com and sign up for their mailing list to support those that are not tripping in money from concerts like Warped Tour but deny the right to local bands to play in it. Sorry, sorry, I love Warped Tour, just not as much as the next moshpithead.
For those of you that like Leather Punk, they have released some new fashion cuts, and even if you don't know what Leather Punk is, you can check all of their stuff out over at http://www.leatherpunk.com.
And last but not least, June 8th is arriving fast and with it comes the new release of Subliminal Messages by TEN foot pole is coming out courtesy of http://www.gokartrecords.com. Whether the album title is original or not, you should definitely take a listen or two since they are a sweet band.
And that is the news that I find most interesting today.
In news of my life, I get to go to work today and meet all sorts of grand people, not that I am looking forward to the people but I am moreso looking forward to the free stuff. I'm sure in the end I'll get fired for saying fuck when my memory relapses and I bring a girl a diet instead of regular.
ciao.
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| @#$ new layout |
[28 May 2004|01:00am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Ima Robot -- What are we made from |
] |
I made a new layout, did all the coding, did all the artwork..
I spent a wicked long time on it, so fuck off if you don't like it, thanks BUNCHES if you do.
Oh and I reopened my old deviantart...http://epicurean.deviantart.com
so check it out, i added some stuff i've done to it tonight.
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| #$$ oh my |
[27 May 2004|02:13am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Scream -- Ima Robot |
] |
I am tired so very tired, and it's because I have been sitting here playing the same chords over and over. I never thought that just by practicing something over and over, you could really learn and actually start doing it better than other people, like I always thought you had to have an intrinsic skill to be a painter or an artist. In hindsight, you have to have a little bit of talent, but there is a certain point where you start teaching yourself and becoming your own.
With me, I found I could draw when I stopped realizing borderlines and boundaries, when I stopped stopping myself like I always did. I always gave up on something when I could not get what I wanted, and I realized that I wasn't seeing the piece for it's true beauty, I wasn't seeing the little things that convey a meaning, and when you find the maening is when you find the motivation to draw. So, now I look for the motivation in everything and I draw until I forget about coloring in the lines, forgetting I have an eraser, and letting the tip of the pencil move on it's own.
I've found that I can draw. I've found that I can sing. I've found that I can write.
For now, I must go to bed. Sorry JT, I have to go to an interview early in the morning. I will call you at noon.
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| @#$ |
[26 May 2004|01:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Sharon Osbourne |
] |
I talked to JT last night.......
We still like each other.
We spent all night talking about fun things, like The Kangaroo, the side-to-side, and there's something in my shoe....
I love inside jokes, don't you? Well you probably don't.
He wrote me a song, and it was so precious! I hope that I get to hear it for real one of these days, whenever I finally say to myself that he's not going to hurt me and that I can see him and everything's going to be fine. There's like this whole reason why I can't go see him and everything. I was thinking that one of these days I would go to one of their shows and stand in the dark and then like kiss a napkin and scribble a note. Then, I would give it to someone to give to him. He would like look up, and he'd see the silhouette of a girl leaving the bar. So he would be like 'CYN!' and I would keep going because I would be trying to leave still. Then the lights would dim, Jason would say something to JT, but then JT would just run to the door like push through everyone. He would push open the doors and see me walking really fast to my car. He would call out my name so loud, and I would turn as I had just opened my car door. My eyes would be swimming in tears and grief, and he would start walking to me and I'd wait there as I asked quietly, "JT?"
I would swallow, think about I should run again or stay. He would still be walking towards me thinking about all the things I had said, thinking about everything, and then I would shut the door. He would start walking faster, and I would do a skip from a walk to a run and he would run, and then we would be hugging each other and kissing. Like the movies...There'd be more to it if it was...I don't know, say a sappy emo music video haha...
Okay well back to real life.
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| $&/ you keep crying |
[25 May 2004|03:09pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Sugarcult ( Memory ) |
] |
I just would like to state that Sugarcult will own my beast of a heart until I can turn it to beauty again.
we could fall apart and I'd be your memory
FEELINGS INSINCERE
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| @#-012 or whatever. ``Nites Gone Bad`` |
[25 May 2004|04:22am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Get Away -- Maxeen |
] |
``...Bad enough to stab you for a tragedy.``
Pressing a finger into the wax, it burned like a wet blaze, setting that which was most precious to a raging redness that could only be seen through the timultuous spinning of an orange fan. Primal as it was, she carved a heart into this wax and let the liquid cool around it until it had melted into a pool of imprinted dreams. Here inside these pools, she found the grace of a flash and a dream for a scheme...
Life is putrid. I dream in negatives and wake up to have no dark room to develop the images. The most disturbing part about this is that I also have no reason to believe that the images are really anything I want to see. Like family reunion pictures or pictures with Chris, as I am suddenly holding that bastard in the same regard as the relatives I have come to know as evil demons, worthy of their name through their subtle chidings and ruthless ramblings. I have but one request for Christmas, it is that you all find tape to be insatiable and also sexual foreplay, so that you will tape each other's mouths and then each others bodily limbs to the bed posts. Therefore you can't speak and you can not move.
With the promise of fall comes the anticipation of All Hallo's Eve, and of course, Halloween Horror Nights, the nights when I get to have the adrenaline rush I die for everyday in the midsts of my stillframed life. A prodigal tee shirt brought these thoughts into my head, and it has been a constant thought, a looking forward to statement if you will. Soon, I will.
The A Perfect Circle concert was as expected, the highlight of my days in 2004. I enjoyed Maynard and everyone should be disappointed to know that he only got half naked. But he was quite hilarious, in between songs, his dialogue with the subsequent drum rolls was, "The pussies at MTV wouldnt' release The Outsider video because they prey on 13 year old whores, of the cause that is Howard Stern and FCC is out of control, and last but certainly not least, the wonder that is anal sex"...he actually dedicated The Outsider to that quote, I thought it was perfect as they always are. Among the guest list was Danny Carey and Adam Stone, don't know them? Tool? People forgetting, come back to the normal.
If you all know the new record label, End-Records...then you know that they are having a sweet sale including the selection of Darlington's "Louder Than Morissey" and Dead Sexy's "Now You Know" as well as a Slowride/Eniac split 7inch...all for 15 bucks. If you like them I suggest that you go to http://www.end-records.com and sign up for that. In other news, I am pissed to know that Anataomy of a Ghost, once touring with Rufio and Senses Fail will not be on the next edition of Warped Tour's cd, as won't be As I Lay Dying...two true bands that I think deserve...if not should...if not are the only.......You know what I mean.
Maxeen.November.18th.you.will.go.to.virgin.megastore.and.buy.that.damn.cd.
Where is the Liquid Nitro, I'm afraid I've said too much. Oh screw that, give me carbon monoxide.
By the way, holding onto a fresh ball of hot wax that is quite cool, warms you up nicely. Just thought you all should know if you're as titillated as I am at the moment...
Tilting her head up to the clouds, she shrieked the last bit of rage that was inside of her, and went to lay on her bed of dewy morning cloud, a dream finally taking the place of feverish nightmares and plastic sex. How the night sky cleared for her as she slept, and how the rain clouds brew when she stir in her slumber.
|
|
| 006. ``Lay your head down child...`` |
[14 May 2004|01:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Pet -- A Perfect Circle |
] |
``...dont fret, precious, I'm here.``
The A Perfect Circle concert is in 6 days. I can't wait. It's going to the best thing ever, and Maynard is going to be beautiful. I really can not wait to see him. It's going to be the show of the year. Tool has always been my favorite band, and now here comes A Perfect Circle with this new record that is just so haunting. I really enjoy it.
Yea, my school situation just got pretty intense. I knew it was going to happen. It's what happens when you don't go, and you basically get kicked out. Haha. I don't care, I hated UCF. Now, I have to go to a community college, which is what I wanted to do anyway and get an A.A. then go and get an A.S. in something and get a career. That's what I really want to do. I want to just start working and get out of school. I fucking hate it with a passion that burns deep in my soul.
Megan and I are going out tonight. We haven't done that in a while, so I can't wait. It's going to be awesome.
Why does A Perfect Circle make me horny?
|
|
| 006. ``You keep Crying...`` |
[11 May 2004|12:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 chipper |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Sugarcult -- Destination Anywhere |
] |
``...Whaddya do when no one's home?``
I would just like to apologize for not updating in so long. I had a busy couple of days, and everything just seemed to run together. I went to a couple concerts--Blink-182 and Seven Mary Three, both really awesome bands and both were completely cool to go to. All of us really had some awesome times, it was cool to be with friends again. For so long, I thought I had lost them to the disasters that necessarily happen when people move on with their lives...'grow up' I guess. Why is that there is that misconception that you have to grow up after high school?
I'm not growing up.
Jimmy was there, and he seemed to be the same--still completely in love with me, and I just can't take it. I was like looking at him and wondering why, and it was just funny to the both of us that everything he says and does seems indirectly flirting. Everyone notices now too, but as good as he is, I couldn't ever date him, he's one of my good friends. I know how I am with boys, I don't have too many good feelings about them or for them. That's why I haven't had a steady boyfriend in awhile because everyone I had, I was hurting...I guess subliminally punishing them for what Chris did.
ANYWAY@#@#@#
Um I'm not talking about Mother's Day because I bet that's what everyone has been upating about and blah, who cares...another day when I have to appreciate my parents and give them presents...LIKE I'M NOT ENOUGH? Where is the Offspring Day?
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| 005. ``I'm messed up anyhow and way different...`` |
[06 May 2004|12:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 horny |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
This Rap Song -- Eminem |
] |
``...so how can you say you know me now...``
| -new look for the journal...Ya dig it?- |
So the latest news is that Anatomy of a Ghost and As I Lay Dying, two bands that I do appreciate, will not be on the smart punk stage at Warped Tour. The limeup is still good, but what the fuck....I saw Anatomy the other night at the social and they were awesome. I hate Warped Tour. I don't think I'm going anyway. I'll be going on a road trip to Michigan if all goes well.
I wrote a couple of songs the other day, they both suck. I like the meaning behind them but yea, it's like my voice is changing and I can't find the right keys because I've been screaming lyrics so much lately. Sometimes, I do the whole getting dizzy and passing out thing because I never really learned how to breathe when shouting at the top of my lungs.
Go to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) emoxgirls, and if you're looking for a new bass, for like $400 dollars, you can bid on the one that was posted here. Help a friend out and see if you can buy it. It's a hot looking machine.
Hopefully, due to some cool efforts, I got my friend's band, Courtesy of You, i.e. http://www.courtesyofyou.com, in a new promotions run by dressed.2.kill, an affiliated by-water of Drive-Thru. They do most of their promotions, and they are scouting for some newer bands. Always nice to do some friendly service.
Mother's Day is coming up and even though me and mine don't get along, I got her some stuff, digital radio, chocolate, cards, soon flowers. I have no money, but somehow, I managed it.
My license is still suspended until I pay out about $300 or go to court or take a stupid class. I am really pissed off about the whole damn thing. I can't believe that I have to pay that kind of money because the jerkoffs made a mistake, even if I was drinking. OOPS. Well okay, it wasn't like every other person there wasn't drunk off of their ass, but because I was 19 and it's 21, yadda yadda. I got my license suspended and fined. I could've been jailed supposedly but whatever, it's bull shit still.
Wow, I just cussed like a million times. YAY!!@!
And Eminem is on, haha. I love this song. 'But they're all horny like they want to hold hands...all because i'm the lead singer of my band...' Ain't that the truth, PEACE OUT !@! I SWEAR TO FREAKIN GOD MARSHALL YOU FREAKIN ROCK CAN I PLEASE SUCK YOUR...SCHWANG ANYONE? '
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|
| 005. ``Pardon me while I burst...`` |
[04 May 2004|10:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crappy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
drive -- incubus |
] |
I'm not in the mood to be all lyrical and blaaaah, so I'm just going to do lists tonight and hopefully you'll get to know me a little bit, or some shit like that, who the fuck cares, just read it.
Latest Vinyls
pantera
taking back sunday
senses fail and rufio
starting line
Newest CDs I've bought....
maxeen
ima robot
sugarcult
art of drowning, afi
kyuss
dynamite boy
band's albums I need to get
Vast
The Strokes
The Vines
Ben Folds Five
Everly Brothers
Ozma
Kurt Cobain Unplugged
Atticus 2
books I need to buy
Kurt Cobain's autobio
poems from the bands
dreams to come true,
kick chris's ass
kiss jt
fix my car
move out of this shit, sorry craphole.
If anyone has any other suggestions for music or reads, let me know, vinyls too, I need some new vinyls for my collection.
( the way i cut is like art, messy, but still.. )
Nothing good, mostly just random thoughts somehow put together. Go to this post for some real fun.
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| 005. ``Can't see you anymore...`` |
[04 May 2004|03:56am] |
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Destination Anywhere -- Sugarcult |
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``...how long I'll stay just to say goodbye.``
You know, it's like you think that you're never like the movies, the soap operas, or the tv shows, you're just you, in your little world and then something completely ruins that aspect to you and suddenly you're transported into this world of emotions and crap that basically drag you down to a level that has been exaggerated and demotivated for millions of people every day. It's like, since I see this stuff all the time and make fun of it, then I should be able to laugh and handle it when it happens to me. Then, it happens, and...I'm crying and thinking about everything that I don't need to be doing.
While it's really awesome to be around someone and talk to this person, it kills me every time I do it because there is no way we can actually do anything about it. And every time, we play make believe, it's like it doesn't hurt until we hit a real issue like secrets and games and stuff that REAL couples would have to deal with. We're not a real couple. We are just friends....an infamous little phrase. The thing is, I know I can't be more than friends with this guy but I want to be, and why? Because he's amazing, and anyone amazing is like so rare to find.
Everything goes to shit in two minutes with me, so if it could go down the tubes so fast, does that mean that...it was never alright in the first place?
I've only realized that my life is a soap opera a minute ago and I'm looking for the off button.
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| 004. ``Whaddya do when you're alone...`` |
[03 May 2004|12:42pm] |
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amused |
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Memory -- Sugarcult |
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One day...
I'll ride a kawasaki motorcycle down I-4 by myself.
I'll skateboard down International Drive for the whole 6 miles that it is.
I'll live in Hawaii for a year and surf really awesome waves.
I'll sing on stage for thousands of fans and feel like a god.
I'll publish all of the poetry I ever wrote.
I'll buy a Cadillac Escalade and then smash it to smithereens with a bat and buy a beat up El Camino to fix up.
I'll be in the magazines kissing a punk rock star that I've known since high school.
Then I'll go to Mexicao.
Sound ambitious?
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serials's journal